I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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