I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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