I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
