The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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