why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
