I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
