I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
