i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I deserve this hangover.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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