I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
