Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
