Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
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