So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize