I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
