Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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