You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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