My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
