he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
