We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
