Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
