Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
