Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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