I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize