I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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