yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
