today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize