Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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