dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize