then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Actions speak louder than pants.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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