I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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