I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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