just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
