forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
