so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
