Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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