The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
