I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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