he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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