i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
