Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
