Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize