so that wasnt chicken after all
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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