I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
