everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
