We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
