Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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