I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
