Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
