this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize