Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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