You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
