I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
