nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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