i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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