No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
