Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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