I got her a Nickelback box set.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
