I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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