My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
