how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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