If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
