When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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