did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
birth control should be required to get into college
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
