On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
