he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My vagina is officially offended.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
